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A simple apology can work wonders. Apologizing right from the heart might be all you need to do to get someone back. If your girlfriend or boyfriend has walked out on you because of something you did that upset them, they deserve an apology. Timing is important here. The sooner you apologise, the better. But you have to make the apology the right way.

Before you offer an apology, you must think through what went wrong. What actually caused the breakup. This isn’t about blaming anyone. The object is to get to the root cause of the problem. When you dig down to the root, you know where you need to start in order to fix things.

Your first instinct might be to blame your ex for the breakup. Maybe you think your ex was being unreasonable by objecting to something you did. Your ex will probably be thinking that your behaviour was unreasonable and objecting to it was perfectly justified. If you both carry on thinking like that, you will remain locked in a stalemate position. Someone needs to give a little.

If you want to get someone back, you need to be able to understand their point of view. If something you did annoyed or upset your ex, you need to apologise. The point here isn’t whether your behaviour was reasonable or not. The point is that your ex found it unreasonable.

You have a choice to make:

1. You stick to your position. You maintain that there was nothing unacceptable about your behaviour, and your ex was being unreasonable. You can’t move forward with this attitude.

2. You accept that your behaviour was objectionable to your ex (even if you don’t think you did anything particularly wrong). This acceptance makes it possible for you to apologise for the pain you caused.

To get someone back in a relationship with you, your apology needs to consist of two elements. If you are to succeed in getting your ex back, it is absolutely crucial that you offer both parts of the apology. The first part is to accept that you were at fault. You must say how sorry you are to have caused pain and unhappiness by your actions. The second part is to promise that you won’t repeat the behaviour that led to this situation.

If your apology is going to be effective, you must be able to convince your ex that you can be trusted to mend your ways. If your apology consists only of saying that you regret the hurt you caused, you are not giving any assurance that your future behaviour would be any more acceptable. Your ex is bound to wonder if there is any point in getting back with you. If you are going to carry on in the same way, further friction is bound to arise. You have to be prepared to change if the relationship is to succeed.

All this sounds as if you are going to have to shoulder all the blame for the breakdown of the relationship. When you want to get someone back, you have to be prepared to accept blame and to offer to change your ways. Otherwise, you will be repeating the same mistakes in the future. The good news is that your ex will probably be only too happy to meet you half way. It takes two to make a relationship. There has to be give and take on both sides. If you show you are prepared to change, you will almost certainly find that your ex will be prepared to compromise.

If you to get someone back an apology is a good starting point. A sincere apology will open the door for the give and take that’s essential to a healthy relationship.

Learn more about how to get your love back. Watch our free video and find out how to get your ex to fall in love with you again