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If your marriage is going through a rough patch, you will naturally be filled with anxiety. If your spouse refuses to communicate with you, feelings of loneliness will be added to that anxiety. You are wondering “what can I do to save my marriage”. At the back of your mind there is the constant fear that there is nothing you can do to prevent the breakdown of your marriage. You want help.

It is ironic that, just at the time when you are desperate for someone to talk to, the one person who should be there for you is emotionally absent. Marriage is about sharing and closeness. You should be able to rely on your spouse for support. When there is a rift between you, it is difficult to know where to turn.

The first thing to do is to establish the reason why your husband refuses to discuss the problems within the marriage. It might be a matter of personality. Some people (men in particular) find it hard to talk about their feelings. The deeper the feelings, the more they clam up. If your husband is this type of person, he won’t mean to push you out; he simply won’t be able to handle the situation. It will be up to you to persevere and find a way to get your husband talking. You might need help to achieve this.

Is your husband refusing to talk things over because he is hurt or angry? Maybe you have done something bad. Perhaps your husband blames you for the troubled state of your marriage. If this is the reason why your husband won’t join in a discussion, it is best to give him some time to cool off. If you did something to upset him, make a sincere apology and then base your next move on his reaction. An apology might be all that is necessary to open a dialogue with your spouse.

Is your husband the one who is in the wrong? Perhaps he didn’t do anything bad, but just feels the problems are his fault. It could be that feelings of guilt are preventing him from speaking to you. If this is the case, you will need to find a way to convince him that you don’t want to apportion blame. You need to make him see that whatever happened belongs in the past. The future of your marriage is what is important now.

There is one thing that is absolutely certain. You won’t be able to save your marriage and restore it to a healthy state without your husband’s cooperation. It takes two to mend a marriage. If you are the only one asking “what can I do to save my marriage”, the answer regrettably is that there is very little you can do unless your spouse decides to open up and discuss things.

Seeking help with relationship problems is always tricky. Where do you turn for help when you want to save your marriage? One obvious answer would be to seek help from family or friends. This, however, might not be such a great idea. Friends and family are bound to take sides. You need advice from someone who is able to be truly impartial. There is also the fact that you probably won’t want a family member or close friend knowing your intimate secrets.

If you are members of a church, you might feel you can turn to your minister. Another source of help is professional counselling. This can produce good results if you find the right counsellor. It is vital that both of you relate well to the counsellor. Otherwise one of you might feel the counsellor is taking the other partner’s side. This would render the counselling ineffective. There are many self help books. These can offer an excellent way of finding out how to save a marriage. The crucial thing is to decide the best way to get your husband involved.

The question of whether you can save your marriage depends upon many factors. You can’t save your marriage all on your own. Saving a marriage involves serious talking, and lots of it. You need to find a way to open the lines of communication with your spouse. If you seriously feel that you won’t be able to do this on your own, you need to find help as soon as you possibly can.

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